The PMX Subspace Communication Station
In the Circle
I laughed the other day when I came back to prosolarmechanics.com and read the archives. But I don’t think it was funny, that laughing. It was laughing in the face of time. I think I’ve conquered it, at last.
Every spring I want to play music again. Actually, I never feel like I don’t want to play. But for some reason when the days warm and the light extends into the post-work hours I get a touch of motivation - like having a slight cold. Not enough motivation to make huge differences but enough to raise good questions.
I’m no longer sad that I am not writing and playing music. In the past I’ve come back here and have written rather dramatic entries about my feelings regarding growing older, taking on the heat of a life in full swing and not finding the way to do all the things that I want. I’ve felt upset and I’ve felt angry with myself for things I haven't done. I’ve felt that time was running out – I’m only going to be here for so long and then it’s over. That scared me.
But it didn’t change anything.
Then I realized that maybe for once change doesn't have to be the point. Focusing on the future and what you wish would be different isn't always a good underlying plan for one's life. And that's how I conquered time.
posted by Amy Jacob
4/28/2006 11:17:00 PM Got something to say about it?Go on then.
