I wonder what I'm doing on this planet
I'm having another one of those, what the fuck? weeks. no. months.
this blog - communication with the living - seems like a potentially bad idea. when i first created it i wanted a place to put my thoughts because throughout the course of a given day, so many people share theirs with me. this blog was going to be somewhere i could digest in a broad way, just to think about people and think about how thinking about so many people would change me.
i also wanted a place where i could spend time thinking about myself. throughout my years of being a quasi-public figure in a very small local scene, i've always made that process partially public. reason number one is that i have always had my provocative side. but another big part of me has always wanted to challenge the notion that average human beings need to struggle with existential questions in isolation or in the confines of a drunk or stoned conversation with another drunk or stoned person. i like to take "i wonder what i'm doing on this planet" out for a walk, quite often.
but in all honesty, anyone who needs to deal with me in any professional sort of capacity shouldn't really know how i feel about any of this crap. if they do then there's a chance they'll care about my feelings and they seriously just shouldn't. if they come to me it's got to be all about them or else it's counter-productive. yet now i realize that they probably could or perhaps do come here and other places and get exactly that sort of information - the 'how i feel' information. i was a musician, so i wanted another public place to be, and silly me, i simply didn't think of all the reasons why i shouldn't given my occupation.
so see ya. if i come back, you'll know a career change happened. and that's an entirely likely possibility at this point.
this blog - communication with the living - seems like a potentially bad idea. when i first created it i wanted a place to put my thoughts because throughout the course of a given day, so many people share theirs with me. this blog was going to be somewhere i could digest in a broad way, just to think about people and think about how thinking about so many people would change me.
i also wanted a place where i could spend time thinking about myself. throughout my years of being a quasi-public figure in a very small local scene, i've always made that process partially public. reason number one is that i have always had my provocative side. but another big part of me has always wanted to challenge the notion that average human beings need to struggle with existential questions in isolation or in the confines of a drunk or stoned conversation with another drunk or stoned person. i like to take "i wonder what i'm doing on this planet" out for a walk, quite often.
but in all honesty, anyone who needs to deal with me in any professional sort of capacity shouldn't really know how i feel about any of this crap. if they do then there's a chance they'll care about my feelings and they seriously just shouldn't. if they come to me it's got to be all about them or else it's counter-productive. yet now i realize that they probably could or perhaps do come here and other places and get exactly that sort of information - the 'how i feel' information. i was a musician, so i wanted another public place to be, and silly me, i simply didn't think of all the reasons why i shouldn't given my occupation.
so see ya. if i come back, you'll know a career change happened. and that's an entirely likely possibility at this point.
2 Comments:
you mean to tell me that i discovered this blog only 3 hours after you shut it down forever? sheesh.
i wanted to mention this thing i read about tarkovsky once. tarkovsky the russian filmmaker. he did a press conference once in europe, after he'd been kicked out of russia. and he was a serious man who made great and difficult films.
an american kid from the back of the room asked him "what can i do do be happy?"
he absolutely could not understand the question for a while, no matter how it was translated for him. i guess he couldn't believe he was being asked this. then he got pissed off. his answer was something like "forget about being happy. find out why you have been brought out of the void of nothingness and put onto this planet. work on that. forget being happy."
maybe it's the difference between the american and russian approach to these things. but i do prefer what you are asking--why am i here?--to the more usual question, how can i look and feel better?
sorry i missed your blog...
why have i been brought out of the void of nothingness? what a nice ring that has to it. much more intimidating, where as 'i wonder what i'm doing on this planet' one could wonder, as opposed to some other planet? thank you for visiting and for your russian take on the usual starting point for introspective types. you almost made me want to keep posting. wait, didn't i? just hidden in the comments here? what a sneak.
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