The PMX Subspace Communication Station
Coming unstuck in time
Been here on this wasteland of an outpost for more than three years now. Once or twice we thought we had the ship in shape enough for a short jump, only to discover last minute some critical repair that needed attention. Last week a long-overdue dropshipment arrived with a GCX switcher and a replacement control panel. I installed it immediately and started putting it through its paces. I've been adding enhancements and gradually increasing power and I'm very pleased with the result. Hope to bring it online soon and make a test run--nothing so big as an actual mission jump, mind you, but maybe a nice shift in orbit. Then we'll see. God, what I wouldn't give to see the Core again, the spiky black mass of the galactic sprawl light-centuries across backlit with the fusion of a million suns...
posted by Alex
3/31/2005 01:27:00 PM Got something to say about it?Go on then.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Welcome back hearing loss
What? What? What? What? Can you turn down the ASRX for a minute? What? Oh, yeah, I like that little riff too. What do you think of this tone? I think there's too much garbage in the high end. Too scooped? I'm trying to get something nice and mid-range-y without too much bass in it. Does this sound too r a w k? I don't care. I'm playing it anyway.
posted by Amy Jacob
3/29/2005 10:30:00 PM Got something to say about it?Go on then.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
i know who you are
You really do suck more while doing nothing than when you are doing something, just about anything, poorly.
I re-read this post way down at the bottom - from last May - about me sucking or not sucking as a musician. I received a few supportive emails and chin up messages, and thanks for that. Re-reading it now I can see just how this has been such a problem for me. I have to fucking get over myself and do something musical - anything - regardless of how well or not so well I can do it. So many people can't sing or play or write songs worth shit and have done something worthwhile just for making the effort. I have simply got to stop being so critical and judgmental of the world and especially myself. The only thing ever holds me back is myself. No, scratch that. Not mySelf. It's My fEar. My feaR of yoU. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. It's all of you god damn it, and you're afraid of me too.
I spent time doing the easy thing for a while here. I now know I can make plenty of money with a regular job and have all kinds of things. Things that I couldn't have before, like a nice house and a new car. No shit. I now have those things - things I'm honestly not sure I ever really cared about. Now I have them. I don't have any new songs - I have things. I know I can have those things and I've learned that they are the easiest things in the world to get.
When am I going to learn I can rock? Forgive me my insecurities and my vulnerabilities here for just a minute. You know - YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE - that you feel this way too, or have felt it, or probably will feel it at some point in your chosen avocation. It's human. It gets much, much better with age. You start to care less and less about what others think. You finally accept that there's truly no one more qualified than you, so no matter how inadequate you are (really are, not afraid you might be) you have no choice but to step up and get the fucking job done.
But when you finally become the boss and there's nobody left to blame, it is much harder to choose music and life and openess over safety and money. This is the struggle of real adulthood. This is the 30-40-something crisis that all we artistic types suffer through. I am telling you - please don't follow the money. It's really a bottomless pit of needless yearning for more of whatever. This is why we all get fat.
posted by Amy Jacob
3/27/2005 12:55:00 AM Got something to say about it?Go on then.
