The PMX Subspace Communication Station
Where words won't do
I wrote a nice long essay on my musical silence over at Communication with the Living for those of you who want to read it. It's my explanation of myself to myself. Finally I put the thought into understanding my absence from creativity, and it was a useful exercise.
Back in December Trip Hosmer, our friend and would-be (would have been?) drummer, conveyed to me an easy understanding of my mental state after the death of my brother. His simple, true words were, "don't worry - everything will come back to you in time, just do lots of the little things that make you happy and eventually the fog will lift and the interest will return."
I was stupid because I never did any little things that make me happy - I didn't do anything that made me happy. I broke completely down after the holidays. Became a money machine, dove headlong into my work, used myself up with my clients, felt nothing or angry most of the time, wondered what the fuck was wrong with me. Two weeks ago I had a moment of clarity or something while reading about addiction and then and there just decided I wasn't going to work that hard anymore. Immediately I started to feel much, much better. I cleaned out the basement and began playing guitar every day again. I am beginning to feel like myself again.
The fog is lifting now, even in the midst of passing winter storms and headcolds. I have plenty of other questions, like, how are we going to do this? What sort of sound do I want to make? What's the sound inside of me now? What does the future look like? Can I influence it much? Should I? What makes life worth living?
Today I will plug in.
posted by Amy Jacob
3/09/2005 10:42:00 AM Got something to say about it?Go on then.
